Ok so being home has been great but at the same time I have lost all the structure I had day to day down south. I don't really have motivation when I wake up and I feel this is due to an unclear goal and poor organization. For those of you who know me best you know I fly by the seat of my pants every chance I get and this had worked for me in the past but I feel like I have grown in such a different direction as a person that I have to switch up and possibly upgrade my over all ethics.
I was judged by some one recently who I have always been able to share anything with. No matter what I looked like or did or even smelt like this person would always welcome me with a smile and open arms. I mean even if I butchered a cute puppy this person would ask why before punching me in the face. But for some reason the chemistry has changed and thus I was judged on my appearance alone and this was quite a dissapointment I must say. I suppose thats life though...changing all the time...
Well I am off to find some more structure and get my life cruisin the way I want it. Be sexy and be real my friends....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Life is good
I am home now and things feel as though they are falling in to place right where everything should be. Even though change can be uncomfortable and alot of the time I find reasons to resist I know that life is good and there is so much left to do and experience. One foot at a time baby, one foot at a time.....
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
time to get theatre jigy!
I am moving back to Canada today and could not be happier with life because I am in some need of time spent with some old fellow theatre mates! I think for those of you who were in or close to our year we should have a theatre camp out cause thems was some of the best times ever!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Easy Times
Life used to be so moment to moment and easy my friends. Days with little judgement and running around your yard laughing just for the fun of it.
These days we are burden with responsibility, Aspirations, Jobs, complex relationships and a whole other bucket of mess. I am starting to find ways to escape in to the simplest and most enjoyable of times but it seems to take a little more work now that I have that stupid thing called a conscience...
I feel like Jim Morrison is a man who never let go of that simple enjoyable style of life and just floated around not giving a flying fuck of what people thought of him and just wrote his poems to make himself smile. Although in the end it is that very frame of mind that destroyed Jim at the age of 27 and I think I would like to kick it on this planet a little longer then that.
I remember very primitive forms of judgement when i was a tot and even very small forms of responsiblity but I never stressed about it and whenever it was over my child like mind would forget about it the day after or even seconds after. Goals seemed so easy like I want to run to the beach today and so it would happen. Kids don't have all that bullshit in there minds to think of a reason which might obstruct them running to the beach. So I guess through all this babbling I have come to a conclusion. Live with out fear and live a great enjoyable life(Of course don't poop on your parents rug).
These days we are burden with responsibility, Aspirations, Jobs, complex relationships and a whole other bucket of mess. I am starting to find ways to escape in to the simplest and most enjoyable of times but it seems to take a little more work now that I have that stupid thing called a conscience...
I feel like Jim Morrison is a man who never let go of that simple enjoyable style of life and just floated around not giving a flying fuck of what people thought of him and just wrote his poems to make himself smile. Although in the end it is that very frame of mind that destroyed Jim at the age of 27 and I think I would like to kick it on this planet a little longer then that.
I remember very primitive forms of judgement when i was a tot and even very small forms of responsiblity but I never stressed about it and whenever it was over my child like mind would forget about it the day after or even seconds after. Goals seemed so easy like I want to run to the beach today and so it would happen. Kids don't have all that bullshit in there minds to think of a reason which might obstruct them running to the beach. So I guess through all this babbling I have come to a conclusion. Live with out fear and live a great enjoyable life(Of course don't poop on your parents rug).
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Everything For A Reason
I have finally accepted that everything in life happens for a reason even if it is negative. I have always heard people say this but it took me a while to actually accept it for myself. And now realizing this I am so more at peace with the peaks and valley's of life's journey and the journey as an actor. Negative and bad shit happens all the time but if your still living all it is doing is strengthening you so good things can come to be. The worst thing you can do is hide in the shadows and hope not to get hurt or knocked down. The people who choose to hide are the ones who fade. I say grow a pair of balls and get in the crossfire of everything and learn to embrace the feeling of being in the mix. Learn everything you can and experience it all before your six feet deep. I am not saying I don't duck and cover every now and again but when I do I know to get my head out of my ass and run towards the challenge's head on. Because even if you fail time and time again at least you are learning more and more and it is true that knowledge is power my friends in any field. So get out there and take some risks maybe get slapped in the face by some sexy girl!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sleep Patterns
I technically slept in again today. But what can I say I am such a night owl! I love to stay up till 3 or 4am because that is when I thrive.
As soon as the sun sets I feel like a different more sharp minded version of myself, like a Biff 2.0. Now all of this may only be due to the fact that my sleep pattern is accustom to this and if I went to bed earlier I would function just as well during the daytime.
Some people say it is an artists curse to stay up all night and be creative.To me it feels like a safe period of time where not many people are up and so you are left to do whatever it is you want with a rare chance somebody will phone you at 1am unless they are drunk and horny and in that case "Yippy-ki-yay, motherfuckers!" I feel like I have a bit of an alter ego at night.
Anways I felt this to be a short post so I shall end it now and go play some volleyball! Be Real Ya'll!
As soon as the sun sets I feel like a different more sharp minded version of myself, like a Biff 2.0. Now all of this may only be due to the fact that my sleep pattern is accustom to this and if I went to bed earlier I would function just as well during the daytime.
Some people say it is an artists curse to stay up all night and be creative.To me it feels like a safe period of time where not many people are up and so you are left to do whatever it is you want with a rare chance somebody will phone you at 1am unless they are drunk and horny and in that case "Yippy-ki-yay, motherfuckers!" I feel like I have a bit of an alter ego at night.
Anways I felt this to be a short post so I shall end it now and go play some volleyball! Be Real Ya'll!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Who Am I?
Do I really know who I am? I know what I like. I know what T.V. shows I prefer. I know what condiments I like on my hot dog. I also know what music touches my soul but do I really know who I am.
Some times I wish I could spend a day inside one of my friends minds and see how I actually am to other people. Not to say I am in some sort of Identity crisis or anything like that...actually I am having a great peaceful day, but am in a very relaxed philosophical mood with no one to talk to so thought I would share my thoughts in the little blogorouskie.
I suppose this is just one of those things that will just drive you crazy the more you think about it. I really do believe in us being products of our environment even if we do accept it our rebel against it we are definitely shaped by it. Humans are so complex I guess saying Who am I? breaks in to many groups and is a very general question to begin with. Since enduring my journey as an actor and studying characters I am really fasanated to understand my ticks and quirks.
I saw an actor in class a few months ago who said after the scene "I was just playing myself" And I was totally blown away! The performance was pretty good but how in the fuck do you play your self? I think to play a character one must do research or observe that character and everything about him or her like what do they eat in the morning? or how do they wash dishes? But playing yourself I mean as soon as you go to observe your own behavior or action I think that alone already makes a judgement and alters what you would naturally do if you weren't thinking about researching yourself to play yourself as a character.
I am Biff Bartlett, 5"11, Brown Eyes, Brown hair, 190 pounds. caucasian with a weak spot for mexican food... But in the end what does it really mean to know yourself? I suppose my answer would be to just experiment with life until you find what truly makes you happy and then you've understood yourself and your purpose in life? I dunno I am done the rambling for now.... off to barbaque and figure a little more out about this Biff guy!
Some times I wish I could spend a day inside one of my friends minds and see how I actually am to other people. Not to say I am in some sort of Identity crisis or anything like that...actually I am having a great peaceful day, but am in a very relaxed philosophical mood with no one to talk to so thought I would share my thoughts in the little blogorouskie.
I suppose this is just one of those things that will just drive you crazy the more you think about it. I really do believe in us being products of our environment even if we do accept it our rebel against it we are definitely shaped by it. Humans are so complex I guess saying Who am I? breaks in to many groups and is a very general question to begin with. Since enduring my journey as an actor and studying characters I am really fasanated to understand my ticks and quirks.
I saw an actor in class a few months ago who said after the scene "I was just playing myself" And I was totally blown away! The performance was pretty good but how in the fuck do you play your self? I think to play a character one must do research or observe that character and everything about him or her like what do they eat in the morning? or how do they wash dishes? But playing yourself I mean as soon as you go to observe your own behavior or action I think that alone already makes a judgement and alters what you would naturally do if you weren't thinking about researching yourself to play yourself as a character.
I am Biff Bartlett, 5"11, Brown Eyes, Brown hair, 190 pounds. caucasian with a weak spot for mexican food... But in the end what does it really mean to know yourself? I suppose my answer would be to just experiment with life until you find what truly makes you happy and then you've understood yourself and your purpose in life? I dunno I am done the rambling for now.... off to barbaque and figure a little more out about this Biff guy!
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