GTR

We must give to recieve....in any circumstance....meh........Of course for all those with his or her mind in the gutter a sexual circumstance....

Back on Track

Ok so being home has been great but at the same time I have lost all the structure I had day to day down south. I don't really have motivation when I wake up and I feel this is due to an unclear goal and poor organization. For those of you who know me best you know I fly by the seat of my pants every chance I get and this had worked for me in the past but I feel like I have grown in such a different direction as a person that I have to switch up and possibly upgrade my over all ethics.

I was judged by some one recently who I have always been able to share anything with. No matter what I looked like or did or even smelt like this person would always welcome me with a smile and open arms. I mean even if I butchered a cute puppy this person would ask why before punching me in the face. But for some reason the chemistry has changed and thus I was judged on my appearance alone and this was quite a dissapointment I must say. I suppose thats life though...changing all the time...

Well I am off to find some more structure and get my life cruisin the way I want it. Be sexy and be real my friends....

Life is good

I am home now and things feel as though they are falling in to place right where everything should be. Even though change can be uncomfortable and alot of the time I find reasons to resist I know that life is good and there is so much left to do and experience. One foot at a time baby, one foot at a time.....

time to get theatre jigy!

I am moving back to Canada today and could not be happier with life because I am in some need of time spent with some old fellow theatre mates! I think for those of you who were in or close to our year we should have a theatre camp out cause thems was some of the best times ever!

Easy Times

Life used to be so moment to moment and easy my friends. Days with little judgement and running around your yard laughing just for the fun of it.

These days we are burden with responsibility, Aspirations, Jobs, complex relationships and a whole other bucket of mess. I am starting to find ways to escape in to the simplest and most enjoyable of times but it seems to take a little more work now that I have that stupid thing called a conscience...

I feel like Jim Morrison is a man who never let go of that simple enjoyable style of life and just floated around not giving a flying fuck of what people thought of him and just wrote his poems to make himself smile. Although in the end it is that very frame of mind that destroyed Jim at the age of 27 and I think I would like to kick it on this planet a little longer then that.

I remember very primitive forms of judgement when i was a tot and even very small forms of responsiblity but I never stressed about it and whenever it was over my child like mind would forget about it the day after or even seconds after. Goals seemed so easy like I want to run to the beach today and so it would happen. Kids don't have all that bullshit in there minds to think of a reason which might obstruct them running to the beach. So I guess through all this babbling I have come to a conclusion. Live with out fear and live a great enjoyable life(Of course don't poop on your parents rug).

Everything For A Reason

I have finally accepted that everything in life happens for a reason even if it is negative. I have always heard people say this but it took me a while to actually accept it for myself. And now realizing this I am so more at peace with the peaks and valley's of life's journey and the journey as an actor. Negative and bad shit happens all the time but if your still living all it is doing is strengthening you so good things can come to be. The worst thing you can do is hide in the shadows and hope not to get hurt or knocked down. The people who choose to hide are the ones who fade. I say grow a pair of balls and get in the crossfire of everything and learn to embrace the feeling of being in the mix. Learn everything you can and experience it all before your six feet deep. I am not saying I don't duck and cover every now and again but when I do I know to get my head out of my ass and run towards the challenge's head on. Because even if you fail time and time again at least you are learning more and more and it is true that knowledge is power my friends in any field. So get out there and take some risks maybe get slapped in the face by some sexy girl!

Sleep Patterns

I technically slept in again today. But what can I say I am such a night owl! I love to stay up till 3 or 4am because that is when I thrive.

As soon as the sun sets I feel like a different more sharp minded version of myself, like a Biff 2.0. Now all of this may only be due to the fact that my sleep pattern is accustom to this and if I went to bed earlier I would function just as well during the daytime.

Some people say it is an artists curse to stay up all night and be creative.To me it feels like a safe period of time where not many people are up and so you are left to do whatever it is you want with a rare chance somebody will phone you at 1am unless they are drunk and horny and in that case "Yippy-ki-yay, motherfuckers!" I feel like I have a bit of an alter ego at night.

Anways I felt this to be a short post so I shall end it now and go play some volleyball! Be Real Ya'll!

Who Am I?

Do I really know who I am? I know what I like. I know what T.V. shows I prefer. I know what condiments I like on my hot dog. I also know what music touches my soul but do I really know who I am.

Some times I wish I could spend a day inside one of my friends minds and see how I actually am to other people. Not to say I am in some sort of Identity crisis or anything like that...actually I am having a great peaceful day, but am in a very relaxed philosophical mood with no one to talk to so thought I would share my thoughts in the little blogorouskie.

I suppose this is just one of those things that will just drive you crazy the more you think about it. I really do believe in us being products of our environment even if we do accept it our rebel against it we are definitely shaped by it. Humans are so complex I guess saying Who am I? breaks in to many groups and is a very general question to begin with. Since enduring my journey as an actor and studying characters I am really fasanated to understand my ticks and quirks.

I saw an actor in class a few months ago who said after the scene "I was just playing myself" And I was totally blown away! The performance was pretty good but how in the fuck do you play your self? I think to play a character one must do research or observe that character and everything about him or her like what do they eat in the morning? or how do they wash dishes? But playing yourself I mean as soon as you go to observe your own behavior or action I think that alone already makes a judgement and alters what you would naturally do if you weren't thinking about researching yourself to play yourself as a character.

I am Biff Bartlett, 5"11, Brown Eyes, Brown hair, 190 pounds. caucasian with a weak spot for mexican food... But in the end what does it really mean to know yourself? I suppose my answer would be to just experiment with life until you find what truly makes you happy and then you've understood yourself and your purpose in life? I dunno I am done the rambling for now.... off to barbaque and figure a little more out about this Biff guy!

Procrastinating

Fuck does it ever drive me up the wall! I procrastinate so much and all it does usually is manifest guilt. And sometimes it is over the simplest of tasks like making a phone call or shooting an e mail to some one. I have had this cycle of leaving things till the last second since pre school and it is such an easy thing to fix. I find organization skills definitely assist in eliminating most situations of avoidance. i dunno what it stems from but I have had it effect pretty much every area of my life. From relationships to homework and sometimes just getting together with friends. I some times will find other productive things to do just so I feel good about getting something done instead of doing what needs to be done. Some times I will leave something for so long that I cannot eat or even sleep. I am trying my best to avoid this now as it does nothing for me but fuck my life up and creates a mood where I cannot enjoy the present moment at all as I have this crappy task hanging over my head and the more I avoid it the harder the task is to do and the more the guilt will manifest. I have a few phone calls I need to make today and one of them I don't wanna make because the person is upset with me. But why do I avoid it when all that is doing is making the situation worse. If anyone reads this and has some suggestions other then just doing the task at hand maybe some ways to motivate my self or a way I can easily avoid this please let me know because it eats away at me in the worse kind of way. I will now go make those phone calls, that I promise! Anyways hope your all having a fab day! And Again camping would be decent with a nice roster of theatre peeps!

Reading and the coffee shop characters

I am off to starbucks pretty soon here to go read my new book of the dark hunters series yay! It is the best place to read cause there are so many weird regulars there. One guy named hugo who walks around in jusr his shorts and has oil paint covering him. Hey looks like a hobbit and says he is a peace of walking art although the black oil pain coating him looks like some sort of weird birth defect... Then there is nelson who looks like he spent his whole life farming corn. Nelson is a skinny little man who has a think southern accent and 3 teeth left in his mouth too boot. He likes to play his ucalaili and smoke his cigarette's all day. He also teaches guitar to some latino girl who comes with her mom every once in a while and he mom plays harmonica and the tamborine. There is also this whacky guy named lance who lives his life in protesting major corrupt companies(tobacco comps, Major fast food comps, stuff like that.) Its so weird though cause lance will be protesting to people walking bye well he has footage of himself protesting infront of major company buildings playing on his computer. And last but not least is sean the flamboyiantly gay cashier. Sean will hit on anything he see's and it is fun to watch him creep on guys ordering he starts with winking and then gives them a little tickle on their palm's when handing the customers change back even when the guy has a girlfriend. Yes it is sad to say I know this from first hand experience but sean now knows where I stand and he is actually pretty cool to talk to being from canada himself(Montreal). So yeah I am still reading about vampire's, god's,demigods, demons, daimons(descendants of apollo who have been cursed to feed on souls to sustain life) and Oneroi(dream hunters who protect humans from evil gods and demons in the deam realm). So off I got to visit my weird people's and read some good stuff!

Sippin some jin and juice. Thinking about life and all the good things to come instead of the bad shit to deal with. I kinda wish I had the power to talk to inanimate objects... what would I talk to? A toilet would be a very depressing talk. I think a toilet would be like a sad country singer telling tales of his worst poo sessions. A guitar would be also neat to chat it up with. Probualy tell ya about some shitty kid who butchered a song testing it out and how it wanted to strangle the kid with its guitar strings... A bong would be awesome to talk too. It would tell you about all the different strains of weed it has had through it and how it hates to be cleaned out of its residue pride. I am thinking about camping this spring with my fave theatre peoples! We should definitely make an effort to have a nice trip if we can and make it like a year end camp out. Fuck the program we can do it on our own. And I hate the title "Reunion" I dono why it rubs me the wrong way but it does just a like an asian prostitute with long fake nails... Well Again I am off to read about Gods and Demons! Take care all and don't forget be safe, be sexy and most of all Be REAL!

Gonna turn some tunes on to get a little writing flow happening here...just a sec... I am not sure what I really wanna write about today, but I do want to write. I'm content and drinking a glass of wine which I prefer to drinking anything else. Wine is great cause you are smashed with in seconds of drinking it and you sober up just as quick but after a few bottles you are definitely in for a not so nice hangover. I am definitely a fan of white wine. Red wine reminds me of some lonely french guy drinking a cup while chompin a big block of cheese and talking to his cat... Gonna grab another glass... hold on...Okay back. Alright so whats on my mind? I guess reading I have turned in to such a bookworm and am loving it. I never used to read that much but now that I have found some authors that float my boat I am loving every second of it and definitely prefer fantasy and science fiction. It's the best feeling to get lost in a book because once you lose yourself and wake up out of it you realize you left your life behind for a while, all of your worries and commits had melted away for that moment. I find I can't lose my self with video games or movies as I can with books. There is always atleast a small part of myself preoccupied with the future or past but when I dive in to a great book I find I am fully in the present and I must say it feels fantabulous! It's almost that euphoric feeling of being in a dream where everything is action and the moment rather then being stuck in thought. I also find the more I read the less I enjoy watching T.V. or movies or video games which has frightened me a tad bit. Man this wine is tastey and is to be sipped not guzzled down I have learned :) After writing about reading I know crave to go read so be safe, be sexy and most of all BE REAL!

The Healing Light Institute of Spirituality

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." The above speech by Nelson Mandela was orignally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material."

Just thought I would share a quote that I know live by and has helped me through the most lost of times. If you are ever questioning or doubting yourself give this a read and turn your frown upside down :)

I'm Back!

Hey all I is back in action on the blogging! Dunno why I stopped but the important thing is I am back on the wagon. I am still in Los Angeles rockin the acting career and learning alot. This town has gotten really small over the time I have been here and my best advice on attacking this city is be yourself and don't fall in to the bullshit most people try to throw at ya here cause there is alot of it. So many slick rick's faking like they are power players in the buisness so definitely do your research before working or signing with anyone. And with a little persistence and hardwork you really can do well here but tough skin is a plus. I miss home and am moving back for a while well my work papers get sorted out so that will be great to send some much needed time with my friends and fam. I am reading a cool book right now called Acheron and finished another by the same author called Dream Warrior both of which are superb! They are about Gods of all realms and written by Sherrylin Kenyon. She really does her research on actual gods so everything is true with beliefs of gods and what they represent. I would have to say my favorite character so far would be Azmodieous, he is a little demon who is owned by a Evil god named noir and he is always cracking cheap jokes in the worst of situations. Zeus however is this book is shown as a ruthless and tormented god almost to the point of having similair values and morals to that of Hitler which suprised me as I always think of him in a "Little Mermaid" fashion... Anyways I am happy with life and ready for the next chapter of it! I hope its filled with some more good books to read and maybe some good loving from a pretty girl! I will be posting alot from now on so talk to ya all soon and be real!